thoughts
I don't mean to pretend but it's easier than coming off pathetic. At this point, I suddenly feel like I have nothing much else to say.
That sure is a weird feeling, to reach a stage where I almost don't feel anything.
For the past month now I have sculpted a routine where everyday I'd point my mouse towards blogger.com and write out my heart. It was easy spilling out my guts that way, and it made me feel better.
But like when you tell a friend the entire story and you're all cried out, and said everything you wanted to say, there comes a silence. And then there's nothing else to do...but give it time.
Just a pat on my shoulder, a few words of encouragement, and my friend is gone, and I'm alone again, thankful to have had someone during the first few moments of hell, but not really looking forward to the lonely road ahead.
Breaking up is not hard to do. It's getting back on your feet again, that's the tricky part. And not being cynical, not being bitter, but still full of wonder and energy. Especially when it's the umpteenth time and everything seems so sickly familiar.
There are certain memories that I can never forget although it's painful to remember.
When I asked her, what is her favourite moment, when was she happiest with me. And she said at the airport, coming out of the gate, missing me so much her heart was bursting with joy when she saw me.
I remember another time when we quarreled and she cried uncontrollably. My anger dissipated in an instant and I hugged her body racked with sobs. "Don't you like my bookmark?" she asked tearfully. I retrived the crumpled bookmark she made for me that I crushed in a moment of anger. I hugged her closer and I loved her in that moment more than I ever did. And I'ver never managed to get over my guilt since then. I mean, she made something for me and I crushed it. And she was crying so terribly. :(
How do I ever walk away from that with my soul intact. I don't think I can.
I am ever so sorry. But I am bitter over what has happened, how she could just walk away. I am cynical about women and all they say they want in a guy.
She's gone forever. Just like the wind that blows today and disappears tomorrow.
It's true what they say about you being most vulnerable once your heart is broken. I think I could fall in love with the next girl I see. Am I desperate?
Maybe. But I just, you know, need to love. I just need to love. I miss her emails. My inbox is ...pretty bare now. heh. But it seems fitting.
Well, goodnight, wherever you are. I love you.
That sure is a weird feeling, to reach a stage where I almost don't feel anything.
For the past month now I have sculpted a routine where everyday I'd point my mouse towards blogger.com and write out my heart. It was easy spilling out my guts that way, and it made me feel better.
But like when you tell a friend the entire story and you're all cried out, and said everything you wanted to say, there comes a silence. And then there's nothing else to do...but give it time.
Just a pat on my shoulder, a few words of encouragement, and my friend is gone, and I'm alone again, thankful to have had someone during the first few moments of hell, but not really looking forward to the lonely road ahead.
Breaking up is not hard to do. It's getting back on your feet again, that's the tricky part. And not being cynical, not being bitter, but still full of wonder and energy. Especially when it's the umpteenth time and everything seems so sickly familiar.
There are certain memories that I can never forget although it's painful to remember.
When I asked her, what is her favourite moment, when was she happiest with me. And she said at the airport, coming out of the gate, missing me so much her heart was bursting with joy when she saw me.
I remember another time when we quarreled and she cried uncontrollably. My anger dissipated in an instant and I hugged her body racked with sobs. "Don't you like my bookmark?" she asked tearfully. I retrived the crumpled bookmark she made for me that I crushed in a moment of anger. I hugged her closer and I loved her in that moment more than I ever did. And I'ver never managed to get over my guilt since then. I mean, she made something for me and I crushed it. And she was crying so terribly. :(
How do I ever walk away from that with my soul intact. I don't think I can.
I am ever so sorry. But I am bitter over what has happened, how she could just walk away. I am cynical about women and all they say they want in a guy.
She's gone forever. Just like the wind that blows today and disappears tomorrow.
It's true what they say about you being most vulnerable once your heart is broken. I think I could fall in love with the next girl I see. Am I desperate?
Maybe. But I just, you know, need to love. I just need to love. I miss her emails. My inbox is ...pretty bare now. heh. But it seems fitting.
Well, goodnight, wherever you are. I love you.
posted by caffeinated at 11:26 PM
12 Comments:
I always recommend copious quantities of chocolate. It helps.
*Warm hugs*
Anger makes us do things that we don't comprehend afterwards. What's important is that we learn, right? :)
I think letting go was the hardest obstacle I had to overcome.
ditto alynna. u may come out of relationships heartbroken, but i'm sure u learn from each one of them, about what it is that u really want and what not.
cheer up babe. i'm gonna go link u up.
*hugz*
Its a time that will pass slowly but surely.=) cheer up.
i know a good therapist. She's really that good. :D
hello??? anybody home??
Whenever you write like this, I feel, for you both. Would it be odd if I say I can emphatize with her?
Some women are like that...they take and the swallow and they bear because they love, until they can no longer bear, until they implode and just have to walk away from it all. For them, cutting off is a way of mending.
Take care.
iblogme
AJ: thanks for the tip :) But I don't want to get fat.
Alynna: There's good anger and bad anger. Sometimes learning is not enough, but thanks :)
in3cate: I'm glad you're on that road.
Chloe: I'm through with learning from mistakes. I want to not make anymore mistakes, know what I mean? :)
Thanks Rawr.
sic6sense: ok if you're not being sarcastic :)
fashionasia: I'm up by RM50. Haha. But I'm still here.
Iblogme: your words scare me, because it makes me think. No. I want to think about Argentina now.
Think of the Silver Lining, you are now free to spread your seed around!
This is the best time to do one of those "self-reevaluating" moments and better thineself. Pick on your flaws and get up a better person. Splits will make or break you, which side are u gonna be on?
Lighten up, yur too intense.
Well, as the saying goes... all these will only make us stronger..
I feel for you.. almost all of us had this before..
Take care :)
letting go is something i never learnt till today
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